Where You’d Least Expect Them

Trans people! In red states! Who’d have thunk it?

Well, I would, being one of them, though I am in a Deep South red state as opposed to a Midwest red state. I’ve long mulled over this, and how regions like mine get written off by other LGBT people. I originally had a much better post on this topic that got lost to a unexpected power outage. In the interest of starting a discussion, though, I’m going to instead repost a post I made elsewhere on the subject:

Though I grew up in it, the South and I do not get along very well; we are that couple who never seems to officially ‘get together,’ but have broken up more times than can be reasonably counted. Over time, I learned to hate the attitude while loving the scenery. I hate the fact 40% of my state voted to not remove language from the constitution barring interracial marriage. I hate the fact that it’s acceptable to waste public money on a “sackcloth and ashes prayer ceremony” to ‘pray away’ one of the worst murder rates in the nation. I hate the fact these attitudes fed my parents’ own bigotry. It’s easy to cultivate anger when you live among people who wish you’d fall off the planet.

But when I got a full ride to attend college down here, I took it. I knew I had to eventually move out of the South, one way to another, but if I could put student loans off for another 4 years I was willing to take the risk.

So when I see people say:

“It’s bigotry, what I feel about the south, absolutely. Fuck the south. I hope the red states get swept under a goddamn tidal wave and have to wonder just how much God truly loves the bible belt.”

I may just lose my temper a little bit. As a then-closeted (and unaware of my transness) student, what was I to do? Come out, risk being disowned, not take the money, and damn myself to struggle somewhere safe but poor? No, I took the money and am now locked in for at least another year and a half until I finish undergrad. I made my choice and face the consequences. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the same respect every other student gets.

“They don’t know it is better in other places. Just move……..lots of places will embrace you!”

Fantastic! Will they pay to make up for the scholarship funds I’ve lost, the support network I’ve worked to build? No. Because it’s not really about my or any number of people’s daily realities; it’s about assuaging one’s personal guilt at the fact that some people still live mired in inequality and they’d rather not think about it. It’s an attitude that is just as old as Southern bigotry, if not older.

Yet if the South taught me to have anger at what cannot be changed, and it also taught me patience for what can. While I don’t expect miracles from the system, I will expect and demand respect regardless of where I’m living. And it can happen, slowly but surely. The strides may not be as drastic or photogenic, but every single one is crucially important. I will continue working for them as long as I live down here, and even after I don’t so one day that closeted kid can make their choice without having to consider the risk of living in fear.

Linkblogging: RLE and detransitioning

Not much of a content post this time around, but some links to chew on. At Pam’s House Blend, Autumn Sandeen and LenaD discussed “Real Life Experience” and detransitioning, in this case focused on the public de-transitioning of LA Times sportswriter Christine Daniels back to her original name, Mike Penner. I find this paragraph of Autumn’s post especially interesting:

I know there are other reasons than the ones my therapist cites. Sometimes the reason is relating to faith, where one becomes an “ex-transsexual” or “ex-transgender” (the trans equivalents to “ex-gay”). Sometimes it’s because the person really isn’t a transsexual, and an unsuccessful RLE catches them before they experience transsexual regret. Since my therapist doesn’t practice conversion (or reparative) therapy, she wouldn’t see those who are detransitioning for reasons of faith. But, it is interesting that in all the years of her practice, she’s never seen a transsexual who has detransitioned due to because the detransitioner has figured out that he or she really wasn’t transsexual — all of her detransitioners have detransitioned due to external pressures.

I’m not really sure what I think on all of this and don’t feel qualified to comment; I’m more in the “listen and process” stage. However, this did strike me as interesting in light of Lisa’s post at Questioning Transphobia on “I wouldn’t wish transsexuality on my worst enemy.” If nothing else, the assertion that ‘those who detransition do so due to outside societal pressure’ matches up with her belief–a belief I agree with–that “being trans is just like being cis, except, well, for not being cis. It’s not worse or better.”