“Lived experience fights dirty.”

(Title from the always fabulous Cat and Girl.)

I always miss out on getting in at the ground floor of controversy.

So, Jasper at jasperswardrobe makes a post on critiquing Brain Sex Activism (ie. woman’s brain in a man’s body), which is rather ill-advised. (Ze has since posted a clarification/apology, the following of which is equally as ill-advised.)

Lisa at Questioning Transphobia handles the heavy lifting of deconstructing the biased and fraudulent assumptions in hir’s post, and the comments are equally good.

So, then why mention it here? Because though Lisa is through in tackling the theory, she missed something that bothered both Ariel Silvera (who lives in Dublin) and I, though I as usual said it with far more swear words:

Ariel: hmm yeah
it’s the kind of thing that wrecks my head though because
well
it’s a very American argument in many ways. over here our community is small eough that while there are disagreements and some similar arguments, we can’t afford to be divided like that
f’rex, TENI defines “trans” as including genderqueer and intersex. in other words, TENI covers anyone who is not cisgender or not cissexual, full stop
Avery: Fuck, it ain’t just american, it’s Big City Queer
It’s the kind of shit that someone inoculated in a safe community can say

And I stand by that point. There’s  a reason I include “non-big-city Southern” in my profile–I am not one of the fortunate queers who lives among the many enlightened in a large city such as San Fransisco or even Large City One Hour Away. Yes, I’m in a college town, but once I leave the safe enclave of the university’s grounds, my very fragile ’safety and respect’ bubble bursts. And making one on the internet is equally as pointless. If an argument can’t stand up to harsh criticism, what’s the point of making it?

In my very real lived experience, I stand up for my identity, and I both demand and expect respect from my fellow students and co-workers. But I’m also not senselessly hostile. I recognize this shit is complex. I’m not interested in calling for everyone to relax and sing a gender kumbaya around the queer campfire. Anger and frustration is a legitimate response to dismissal of one’s legit identification.

But I’m well aware in my real life I cannot afford “to start making [myself] visible, and calling out Brain Sex Activists when they delegitimize [me]” with the polemic divisiveness Jasper’s tone implies is the only response. Whatever Jasper’s intentions, hir dialog is little more than the kind of self-congratulatory anger which breeds distance, not respect.

Such distance can be ill-afforded in areas with little-to-no queer presence. where I do not have the privilege of  an equal “face to face discussion, [where] I could have have found common ground with most everyone.”

No, I have the experience of talking at the uniformed over and over, and hoping for the millionth time I won’t have to answer the same questions–and living in fear that someone may bring up theoretical anger (that is, anger regarding theories) and throw it in my face to delegitimize me.

You can have your “brain-sex activism oppression”–I’ll be happy when people stop looking at me like a three-headed deer, or when I stop hearing stories about other local good ol’ transsexual folks being driven from their homes by harassment from their neighbors with no recourse. Or expectation of protection from the police.

Instead, I’ve learned how to have gutsy disagreements with folks while still working together for the common cause of equality.  I’ve learned that sometimes being right is less important than the great goal of equality. So no, it’s not that “this medium [, the Internet,] makes anger too easy.” It’s that the Internet makes it all-too-easy for one to indulge in the juxtaposition of, “Listen to what I say, but ignore what I do.”

The anger comes afterward.

Thousands for an Advertising degree, yet still unable to use Google

This snarky-but-nonspecific title refers to Tampax’s new advertising campaign, which includes a young teenage boy who wakes up with ‘girl parts’. My goodness, how will he cope?

By baking and learning men can be gross, along with performing other classic gender-normative “feminine” behaviors.

As Sociological Images points out, the campaign does not fall for any of the more egregious canards like “playing with his girlparts” creepy sexual arousal or suicidal emasculation-anxiety, yet Debbie at Body Implotic is correct in noting the campaign is still problematic.

Neither Procter & Gamble (surprise!) or Luscombe talk about menstruation in the context in which it matters, which is reproduction. “Having your period sucks!” says Zack, blithely unaware of how often young women in his class have cried their eyes out because their period didn’t come, or danced for joy because it did.

What both these commenters miss, and I think is a key point, is the campaigns erasure of the thousands of vagina-owning trans men and intersexed folks who have had to deal with Zack’s problem their entire lives. Zack is not exceptional by any means, yet the campaign reinforces that, as a special and unique snowflake, he must “tell his story.”

Amazon: LGBT books too “adult” to be ranked.

So…I’ve been busy as all hell lately, which means I haven’t really been writing much of anything. However, I do have some interesting stuff I want to write about, so once summer comes around, expect at the very least a post on reading the manga F. (Family) Compo, a family comedy about having trans parents.

But in urgent news, I’m stutter-posting my post on Pam’s House Blend about the Amazon Deranking fiasco.

(Logo from here.)

EDIT: Amazon has announced this is a “system glitch” that will be fixed.

Thanks to the sharp eye of author Mark Probst, it appears that Amazon is now removing sales rankings from a vast swath of LGBT books for being too “adult.”

Official Amazon.com Response:

In consideration of our entire customer base, we exclude “adult” material from appearing in some searches and best seller lists. Since these lists are generated using sales ranks, adult materials must also be excluded from that feature.Hence, if you have further questions, kindly write back to us.

Best regards,
Ashlyn D
Member Services
Amazon.com Advantage

Which means that highly “adult” materials like Radclyffe Hall’s The Well of Loneliness and the The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students no longer have sales rankings, while blatantly ‘adult’ material such as Laurel K Hamilton’s Merry Gentry series is still ranked.

And with most of the LGBT-focused books de-ranked, the Gay and Lesbian Bestseller list is now almost entirely listing only Kindle editions (ranked on their own Kindle-exclusive list).

meta_writer is collecting related links and a list of book affected. For the twitter-inclined the official twittertag is #amazonfail. There is an online petition protesting Amazon’s decision and Smart Bitches, Trashy Books suggests Google-bombing the term “amazon rank” (see their post for more information).

Oh, the horrors that might result if one were to “introduce into the minds of perfectly innocent people the most revolting thoughts.”

Also, it should be noted that not only LGBT books are suffering: Feminist and general sexuality books have been targeted as well.

Contact Information: Amazon’s main help e-mail is connect-help @ amazon . com (remove the spaces). For other methods, try http://clicheideas.com/amazon.htm.

Or write to their CEO:
Jeffrey Bezos
1200 12th Avenue South,
Seattle, Washington 98144-2734

United States Phone: 206-266-1000
Fax: 206-622-2405

Adventures in Gender

After today’s session with my therapist, it came to my attention that I had not yet shared the story of The Hustler Who Fails At Gender.

So, there is a local man who is known to go down to the local university hangout, The Strip, and run a “gas money” hustle. Though I knew of him, I had never actually been hustled. Last Sunday, I went out to get dinner before newspaper staff meeting/my birthday party. As I’m crossing the street, he calls out to me. I stop, thinking he wants to know the time. As soon as he says, “Ma’am,” he catches himself, stops, and says “Sir.” Then he changes again, calling me “ma’am,” but then comments after that that no woman would have my haircut (which is, admittedly, at the moment very scruffy).

Eventually he gets close enough and begins his hustle. I keep trying to get out of it, because this time he wants me to go with him, which is a big red flag. Throughout the conversation, he keeps switching honorifics, to the point of flat-out insulting me. Finally, he asks me, “What are you, a boy or girl?” I say rather stiffly that I identify as male. After which he laughs at me. Laughs at me and uses the presumably proper pronoun once or twice before switching back to feminine honorifics.

At this point, I rather rudely got rid of him (in itself unusual, because I’m very bad at being rude and usually try to at least provide some cash, as possibly unethical/unhelpful as that is), because dammit, it’s my birthday and you’re insulting me while attempting to hustle me for cash.

I have the best adventures.

Astro Boy, Now Guaranteed Not To Hit Like A Girl

Awhile back, I was asked by Ariel of the wonderful if sporadically updated blog Prepare for Trouble if I would submit a guest column on the new Astro Boy movie – with her permission, I have republished it here.

Recently, I was linked to an article on the Hollywood animated movie adaption of Osamu Tezuka’s classic Tetsuwan Atom, known in America as Astro Boy: Astro Boy’s makeover.

When [the Tezuka estate] saw the initial designs for Astro Boy in the upcoming computer animated flick, the one thing that the Japanese owners did not fancy was the size of his rear end.

They found it too small.

At first, it seems impossible – a battle over rear ends? Really?

Really. And it’s but one in a line of gender-normative changes applied to the iconic Tezuka character, as I found out. Astro now has less “feminine” eyes, has been aged up to the appropriately rambunctious age of 12, and wears a light blue shirt.

Repossessing Normal

queenemily’s Questioning Transphobia post on the “self-narrating zoo exhibit” really struck a chord with me. For the past few months, I’ve been thinking about an experience I had while doing yet another diversity training, a duty which I have decided ends the minute I leave for graduate school.

While I don’t have the most experience with public speaking, I’ve done a good share of diversity trainings in my day. I’m not unused to once again trotting out my story for public consumption by total strangers. But I go into every training with a policy to be honest when telling my story. Which means I do, in abbreviated terms, mention that for most of my childhood I was emotionally abused and manipulated by my mother, with serious consequences.

At one talk, however, this abuse became the crux on which the discussion turned, to the point that my cisgendered listeners felt comfortable passing judgment on my own, very personal life choices. This isn’t exactly uncommon—when other, non-“trans” factors become part of a trans person’s life experience, all previous context does an acrobatic swan dive out of the collective windows of cisgendered listeners’ minds, and the entire conversation shifts to how one’s past has “contributed to” or “caused” their transness.

Liking What You See?

Though this came out a personal journal entry, I thought the final question I asked myself was a question I haven’t seen asked enough, and I’m curious to hear other answers.

The idea of paper mirrors is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’m far from opposed to them—they’re a wonderful outlet for those who are just coming into their own identity, whatever it be. And I have always viewed telling a person’s story as key; it was my greatest goal whenever I’ve worked as a journalist.

However, what has always bothered me was how unable I was to find one that fit my own experiences. As a teenager then coming into the idea of identifying as a lesbian, I would seek out narratives with queer characters. Yet I never really found my experiences made authentic in them; the best I ever got was a sense of a culture, a place where I might belong. And eventually, part of me outgrew that need; I understood enough of the culture to at least partially ‘pass.’ And ironically, I did fit the lesbian narrative quite comfortably—I even have the unrequited best friend love in middle school. Yet I never really became attached to this mirror when it was held up to me, which makes sense: one of the compliments I have consistently received throughout my life was that I always seemed determined to be my own person and never be defined by others.

In coming into my transness, though, even that sense of culture leaves a great gap—ironically, the closest “paper mirror” is likely transientdesire, who also just happens to be one of my closest friends and helped inspire this blog. We were both looking for somewhere that fit us, the kind of femme, situated comfortably in the lesbian label for a good portion of your life, and without an easily identifiable trans narrative person.

Trans discussion and literature, then, becomes distancing instead of welcoming, a recent example of being the collection Nobody Passes. Out of the blue I received a copy of it from another genderqueer acquaintance whom I bonded with at a conference. I was thrilled to get it, and for good reason. By and large, it’s s good collection of differing perspectives on the act of passing from all over the spectrum.

But not one was an experience I felt rung true with me. In some cases, I was only a listener, learning about experiences through reading; in some, I could have been an active participant, but instead I felt stuck by the sidelines.

All of this really can be boiled down to the fact that paper mirrors make me uncomfortable mainly because I’ve never had one, and I wonder what that says about how the trans community constructs itself (or what it says about how much I project of myself on others, possibly). Paper mirrors become a Catch-22 sometimes: great if you can find it, but the act of finding one may be harder than you think.

For all the greatness espoused regarding the queer community’s multifaceted nature, the very nature of being trans restricts the paper mirrors that can ostensibly exist. Medicalization and gender roles place expectations and ideas. It becomes a problem of acceptability, where the non-normative is rejected for the acceptable.

So is it a responsible act to pass on mirrors that reject the norms which also ensure treatment? I would say so, for transformation can only begin by presuming acceptance of diversity from the start. But at the same time, what can be viewed as essential parts of the (American, at least) transsexual identity hangs on the whims of some doctors and a handful of guidelines. Would paper mirrors which sidestep this fact then be inadvertently leaving young trans consumers with the wrong impression? Again, my inclination is to say no, but I’m curious to hear what other people think.

Where You’d Least Expect Them

Trans people! In red states! Who’d have thunk it?

Well, I would, being one of them, though I am in a Deep South red state as opposed to a Midwest red state. I’ve long mulled over this, and how regions like mine get written off by other LGBT people. I originally had a much better post on this topic that got lost to a unexpected power outage. In the interest of starting a discussion, though, I’m going to instead repost a post I made elsewhere on the subject:

Though I grew up in it, the South and I do not get along very well; we are that couple who never seems to officially ‘get together,’ but have broken up more times than can be reasonably counted. Over time, I learned to hate the attitude while loving the scenery. I hate the fact 40% of my state voted to not remove language from the constitution barring interracial marriage. I hate the fact that it’s acceptable to waste public money on a “sackcloth and ashes prayer ceremony” to ‘pray away’ one of the worst murder rates in the nation. I hate the fact these attitudes fed my parents’ own bigotry. It’s easy to cultivate anger when you live among people who wish you’d fall off the planet.

But when I got a full ride to attend college down here, I took it. I knew I had to eventually move out of the South, one way to another, but if I could put student loans off for another 4 years I was willing to take the risk.

So when I see people say:

“It’s bigotry, what I feel about the south, absolutely. Fuck the south. I hope the red states get swept under a goddamn tidal wave and have to wonder just how much God truly loves the bible belt.”

I may just lose my temper a little bit. As a then-closeted (and unaware of my transness) student, what was I to do? Come out, risk being disowned, not take the money, and damn myself to struggle somewhere safe but poor? No, I took the money and am now locked in for at least another year and a half until I finish undergrad. I made my choice and face the consequences. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the same respect every other student gets.

“They don’t know it is better in other places. Just move……..lots of places will embrace you!”

Fantastic! Will they pay to make up for the scholarship funds I’ve lost, the support network I’ve worked to build? No. Because it’s not really about my or any number of people’s daily realities; it’s about assuaging one’s personal guilt at the fact that some people still live mired in inequality and they’d rather not think about it. It’s an attitude that is just as old as Southern bigotry, if not older.

Yet if the South taught me to have anger at what cannot be changed, and it also taught me patience for what can. While I don’t expect miracles from the system, I will expect and demand respect regardless of where I’m living. And it can happen, slowly but surely. The strides may not be as drastic or photogenic, but every single one is crucially important. I will continue working for them as long as I live down here, and even after I don’t so one day that closeted kid can make their choice without having to consider the risk of living in fear.

Linkblogging 11-13-08

Apologies; I’m currently buried under work and won’t see relief until Thanksgiving, so I only have a couple of links and a submissions call to fill in the space.

• In light of the racism coming out of the white LGBT community following the false Prop 8 exit polls: Pam’s House Blend has a great post on one black LGBT person’s experience in the black church, read alongside the book Their Own Receive Them Not: African American Lesbians And Gays in Black Churches.
• And from Ariel Silveria:

Deadline: March 1st, 2009

Submissions wanted for enTRANS’d, a new zine focused on transsexual issues with a feminist angle. Articles, critiques, reviews and short writings (short stories, personal anecdotes and poetry all accepted). International perspectives and experiences are not just wanted, but needed, so don’t hesitate to submit, no matter where you are.

enTRANS’d is a proposal for an anthology zine on trans writing with a feminist bent. The aim is simple: to add to the increasing visibility of transsexuality in the feminist and queer communities, feminist and queer activism, and the world at large. It is my belief, as a trans person and intersectional anarchafeminist, that it is in our best interests to make our voices heard directly. At a time when we’re making gains as a community, we’re also in danger of letting our voices be drowned by authoritative, established transphobic voices in the feminist realm, like Germaine Greer, et al.

It is my personal belief that part of our struggle has to involve talking, discussing, and provoking. If ugly arguments must happen, let them happen, for many people are ignorant and well-meaning. It’s not our duty to become educational experiences for people. However, I believe many fellow, cissexual and/or cisgendered individuals may be ignorant of our struggles, yet mean well and be willing to learn. I believe in the human heart, and I believe that the worst we can do is to stay silent and let other people speak for us.

I want us to agitate. I want trans people of all sexes and genders to be heard, our experiences understood as being as diverse as in any other group. Others won’t do it for us.

Let’s keep the momentum created by a multitude of great trans writers, online and offline, all over the world.

(Please note, this call for submissions is not limited to transsexual individuals. Allies with experience in trans issues and trans feminist activism and/or writing are also invited to contribute. Already published writing is acceptable. Please supply the url, or reference if it is a zine, book, etc.)

Submissions, questions, queries, please e-mail Ariel Silvera at ascots [[AT]]gmail —DOT— com

Linkblogging: RLE and detransitioning

Not much of a content post this time around, but some links to chew on. At Pam’s House Blend, Autumn Sandeen and LenaD discussed “Real Life Experience” and detransitioning, in this case focused on the public de-transitioning of LA Times sportswriter Christine Daniels back to her original name, Mike Penner. I find this paragraph of Autumn’s post especially interesting:

I know there are other reasons than the ones my therapist cites. Sometimes the reason is relating to faith, where one becomes an “ex-transsexual” or “ex-transgender” (the trans equivalents to “ex-gay”). Sometimes it’s because the person really isn’t a transsexual, and an unsuccessful RLE catches them before they experience transsexual regret. Since my therapist doesn’t practice conversion (or reparative) therapy, she wouldn’t see those who are detransitioning for reasons of faith. But, it is interesting that in all the years of her practice, she’s never seen a transsexual who has detransitioned due to because the detransitioner has figured out that he or she really wasn’t transsexual — all of her detransitioners have detransitioned due to external pressures.

I’m not really sure what I think on all of this and don’t feel qualified to comment; I’m more in the “listen and process” stage. However, this did strike me as interesting in light of Lisa’s post at Questioning Transphobia on “I wouldn’t wish transsexuality on my worst enemy.” If nothing else, the assertion that ‘those who detransition do so due to outside societal pressure’ matches up with her belief–a belief I agree with–that “being trans is just like being cis, except, well, for not being cis. It’s not worse or better.”